How to deal with condescending colleagues in the office

How to deal with condescending colleagues in the arbeitszimmerHow to deal with condescending colleagues in the officeSpend any time in the workforce, and there is a high possibility that you will be made to feel small by a colleague talking down to you or devaluing your input.Taking some time, however, to understand what motivates condescension, as well as learning some strategies to combat it, can help make working with colleagues who tend to be condescending much more tolerable.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreWhat motivates condescension?A rolle who is condescending in their comments toward others often1) wants to win the discussion, usually by squelching any dissent2) uses the situation to boost their own self-esteem by tearing down abedrngnisher person3) likes the power rush that comes from being the one who determines the best idea.In some situations, a condescending remark is the result of the person being under extreme stress, and the comment slips out in an impatient moment. These are the easiest situations to deal with because it is not an established interaction style, and will either remedy itself once the stress clears, or the person will likely be open to someone pointing out the undesired behavior. But many situations involving condescending remarks in the workplace often occur as a result of the persons overall interaction style.In behauptung cases, condescension can be traced back to insecurity, control issues and/or a wound from the persons past. They believe there is something about themselves is lacking that must be compensated for. They feel a need to establish feelings of self-worth, or to not feel out of control of the situation. Condescension is used in an attempt to fill the perceived gaps in their lives.How to deal with condescensionDONT TAKE IT PERSONALLY.Remember to not take their comment personally can help defuse the hurt you e xperience. A condescending remark is more about the other persons, than your shortcomings. If you have an established relationship with the person, you could say something like, Wow, you must be under a lot of stress right now. Is there something I can help you with?CONSIDER POSSIBLE FLECKS OF TRUTH.Although their delivery was terrible, there could actually be some constructive feedback to glean from the comment. Take a moment to examine what was said, and squeeze something to work with from it, if possible.KEEP BITTERNESS AT BAY.Working with someone who is consistently condescending can make you not only angry but bitter in ways that can make you toxic, too. Find ways to nurture your intern reserves and gain perspective. Dont let their unhealthy behaviors become contagious. It may help to vent with a trusted friend about the situation to gain perspective.POSSIBLE ACTIONS TO CONSIDER.Maybe you have the power to influence change, maybe not. Here are some pointers if you do decide to confront your patronizing colleagueTake a moment to calm down, if neededAsk to speak to them in private (to keep the situation between the two of you)Enter the conversation with an attitude of establishing a healthy relationship between you, not proving the person to be in the wrongBe professional. Use I language (I feel devalued as a person when you speak to me in a condescending tone) instead of You language (You are so condescending in the way you talk to me). Its less confrontational and easier to receive.Be willing to accept feedback that you may have a growth area of your ownExtend grace and work on establishing a new foundation of how you will work together in the future.Sometimes this will go well. Other times it will not.DONT EXPECT THEM TO RESPOND NORMALLY. Dysfunctional individuals do not respond to corrective feedback in the ways we expect healthy colleagues to. Your critical colleague may not be receptive to hearing your belief that they communicated inappropriately. Th e more realistic approach is to lower your expectations of getting healthy responses and be pleasantly surprised if you do.AUTHENTIC APPRECIATION CAN HELP.Positive interactions douse the flames of negativity. What are some things that you value about your colleagues? Take a moment to communicate appreciation with an encouraging note, surprising someone with their favorite snack, helping someone meet a deadline, taking a quick walk with a colleague to catch up, or even just tossing a high five someones way when they accomplish something.WEIGH THE COST.With certain individuals, you have to determine whether or not responding to their comments is worth the additional conflict that may result. Sometimes (for a period of time, at least), not responding may be the best course of action.Regardless of the level of condescension you face, remember to look at the situation as being the result oftheirissues. While you may be a recipient of their comments, you really arent the reason for them. Manage your reactions so the situation doesnt become worse. If possible, explore the potential lessons you can learn that could be embedded in their comment, and counter their negativity with some positives.This article first appeared on Appreciation at Work.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong peopleHow to deal with condescending colleagues in the officeSpend any time in the workforce, and there is a high possibility that you will be made to feel small by a colleague talking down to you or devaluing your input.Taking some time, however, to understand what motivates condescension, as well as learning some strategies to combat it, can help make working with colleagues who tend to be cond escending much more tolerable.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreWhat motivates condescension?A person who is condescending in their comments toward others often1) wants to win the discussion, usually by squelching any dissent2) uses the situation to boost their own self-esteem by tearing down another person3) likes the power rush that comes from being the one who determines the best idea.In some situations, a condescending remark is the result of the person being under extreme stress, and the comment slips out in an impatient moment. These are the easiest situations to deal with because it is not an established interaction style, and will either remedy itself once the stress clears, or the person will likely be open to someone pointing out the undesired behavior. But many situations involving condescending remarks in the workplace often occur as a result of the persons overall in teraction style.In these cases, condescension can be traced back to insecurity, control issues and/or a wound from the persons past. They believe there is something about themselves is lacking that must be compensated for. They feel a need to establish feelings of self-worth, or to not feel out of control of the situation. Condescension is used in an attempt to fill the perceived gaps in their lives.How to deal with condescensionDont take it personally. Remember to not take their comment personally can help defuse the hurt you experience. A condescending remark is more about the other persons, than your shortcomings. If you have an established relationship with the person, you could say something like, Wow, you must be under a lot of stress right now. Is there something I can help you with?Consider possible flecks of truth. Although their delivery was terrible, there could actually be some constructive feedback to glean from the comment. Take a moment to examine what was said, and s queeze something to work with from it, if possible.Keep bitterness at bay.Working with someone who is consistently condescending can make you not only angry but bitter in ways that can make you toxic, too. Find ways to nurture your inner reserves and gain perspective. Dont let their unhealthy behaviors become contagious. It may help to vent with a trusted friend about the situation to gain perspective.Possible actions to consider.Maybe you have power to influence change, maybe not. Here are some pointers if you do decide to confront your patronizing colleagueTake a moment to calm down, if neededAsk to speak to them in private (to keep the situation between the two of you)Enter the conversation with an attitude of establishing a healthy relationship between you, not proving the person to be in the wrongBe professional. Use I language (I feel devalued as a person when you speak to me in a condescending tone) instead of You language (You are so condescending in the way you talk to me). Its less confrontational and easier to receive.Be willing to accept feedback that you may have a growth area of your ownExtend grace and work on establishing a new foundation of how you will work together in the future.Sometimes this will go well. Other times it will not.Dont expect them to respond normally. Dysfunctional individuals do not respond to corrective feedback in the ways we expect healthy colleagues to. Your critical colleague may not be receptive to hearing your belief that they communicated inappropriately. The more realistic approach is to lower your expectations of getting healthy responses, and be pleasantly surprised if you do.Authentic appreciation can help. Positive interactions can douse the flames of negativity. What are some things that you value about your colleagues? Take a moment to communicate appreciation with an encouraging note, surprising someone with their favorite snack, helping someone meet a deadline, taking a quick walk with colleague to catch up , or even just tossing a high five someones way when they accomplish something.Weigh the cost. With certain individuals, you have to determine whether or not responding to their comments is worth the additional conflict that may result. Sometimes (for a period of time, at least), not responding may be the best course of action.Regardless of the level of condescension you face, remember to look at the situation as being the result oftheirissues. While you may be a recipient of their comments, you really arent the reason for them. Manage your reactions so the situation doesnt become worse. If possible, explore the potential lessons you can learn that could be embedded in their comment, and counter their negativity with some positives.This article was co-authored by Natalie Hamrick, Ph.D and originally appeared on Appreciation at Work.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study f inds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people